How Did My 14 Year Old Son Respond When I Told Him, I Drink Alcohol?

by | May 17, 2021 | Relationships | 0 comments


Should I share a personal story?

It has been told that we should not share personal things on social media but I don’t agree with this. So, this is a very personal conversation between me and my son. He’s around 14 years old. I remember knocking on his door that day and he was sitting inside on a laptop and I said, are you free for some time and he said yes dad.

I shared a secret with my son

So, I sat down on his bed and I said I want to share something with you which I was hiding from you and he closed his laptop and he said tell me, dad, what you are hiding. I said I was hiding from you that I drink alcohol and he raised his eyebrows. He said you are not hiding that from me I know I have seen you in family meetings, family gatherings, dancing and drinking alcohol. I’m aware of this.

No, I said no you’re not understanding exactly I’m saying. I said I drink alcohol but maybe once in a while three months six months whenever a very close friend circle of four people when I just go and meet them maybe in six months once. He said I know that dad you don’t drink alcohol every day. I know that, so what are you hiding in this then. I said no you’re not understanding son. 

It was a white lie

I was hiding from you because whenever I was even though that’s twice in a year but in case if I am drinking in front of you at a subconscious level, I used to feel that no I am doing something which I should not reveal in front of my child. And then I used to know just take my eyes away from you or change the topic or something like that I should do something like that.

It’s just like sometimes some people they smoke, and kids are aware that you smoke but you still hide from them. So, I don’t want to do that, so today I’m very clear that I’m not hiding even at a subconscious level, I’m not hiding this from you, I’ve told you and he said yes dad I understand. He said I understand you work hard you also deserve some good light moments with your friends, absolutely okay that you you’re not hiding this.

I also said to him, “So you understand just because I’m sharing this with you as a father that doesn’t mean that you get licensed to think, to start all this, you are 14 now. He said dad, come on and he gave me one example he said that do you remember when I was around 12 years old, and we were not living here where we are right now. 

There was another incident

So, our previous apartment, when kids used to play down and if I’m standing or sitting near the window, I could easily listen to what kids are speaking. And there was few kids, they used to abuse, use bad language and I heard one day and the moment I heard that, even Arnav, my son, he looked up and he noticed that I heard that.

He was not using abusive language but other kids and in a conversation like this only I said, Son, now you’re 12 years old now you are enough to decide which words are good which words are bad.

What is his decision?

So, you have to decide, I cannot be there always. I was sitting next to the window just I overheard all that, but I will not be with you throughout your life. Forget throughout your life, even in school when you are going now, and you are meeting with your friends, when I’m not there, I don’t know which language you use.

So, you have to decide whether you have to use bad words, or you don’t have to use bad words. You will never have control over your friends, you will always have friends where they are using bad words. It will never happen that you are going to school and college and no one is using bad words. 

But you decide, even in bad words, you decide, that you can just stop here it, or you can just go beyond, that you decide. This decision has to be taken by you son. I cannot monitor that.

Decision Made !

At the age of 12, Dad you told me that as I grow, I have to start making decisions like this so at the age of 14, do not worry. You don’t have to tell me that whether I drink, smoke, and that I have already taken the decision that this is not the right age for me to drink maybe in the future I will see.

So even if you ask me to drink, I will not drink that because that’s a decision I have taken which you only taught me that you have to start making decisions in your life, so a decision is being made. Dad this is not the right age for me so don’t worry about that dad.

This was a short conversation I thought there’s something I liked about this conversation. I enjoyed this conversation even though it’s personal, I told you. It has been just told that we should not get personal, let’s get personal.

What do you think about this conversation, personal conversation?

What’s your perspective?

Share your comments, this is Praveen signing out until we meet again.

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