How Did My 14 Years Old Son Respond When I Told Him That I Drink Alcohol

by | Oct 29, 2020 | Public Speaking | 0 comments

It has been told that we should not share personal thing on social media.

I don’t agree to this.

So, this is a very personal conversation with me and my son.

He’s only 14 years old.

I remember I knocking his door that day, and he was sitting inside on laptop, and I said, “Are you free for some time?” And he said, “yes dad.” 

So, I sat down on his bed. And I said, “I want to share something with you which I was hiding from you.” And I closed his laptop. And he said, “tell me dad, what you’re hiding?”

I Said, “I Was Hiding From You That I Drink Alcohol.”

And he raised his eyebrows.

He said, “You are not hiding that from me. I know. I’ve seen you in family meetings, family gatherings, dancing and drinking alcohol. I’m aware of this.”

I said, “No, no, you’re not understanding that and understand what exactly I’m saying.” I said, “I drink alcohol, but maybe once in a while, three months, six months, whatever.

A very close friend circle of four people when I just go and meet them, maybe in six months once?

He said “I know that Dad, you don’t drink alcohol every day? I know that what you’re hiding in this.”

Then I said “No, no, you’re not understanding son, understand.  I was hiding from you because every time when I was, even though, that’s twice in a year but in case if I am drinking in front of you, at a subconscious level, I used to feel that no, I am doing something which I should not reveal in front of my child.

And then I used to not just take my eyes away from you, or change the topic or something like that, I should do something like that.

Just like sometimes some people they smoke, and kids are aware that you smoke, but still hide from them.

So, I don’t want to do that.

So today, I’m very clear that I’m not hiding even at a subconscious level. I’m not hiding this from you, I have told you.” And he said, “Yes dad, I understand.”

He said, “I understand you work hard. You also deserve some good light moments with your friends. Absolutely okay, I said you’re not hiding this. I’m aware.”

And I said, and I also said to him, “So you understand, just because I’m sharing this with you as a father, that doesn’t mean that you’ll get a license to think to start all these your 14 now.”

He said, “Dad come on.” And he gave me one example. He said “Dad, do you remember around when I was around 12 years old, and we were not supposed to stay here where we are right now.”

You Have To Decide Which Words You Have To Use

So, our previous apartment, when kids used to play down, and if I’m standing or sitting near a window, I can easily listen what kids are speaking at, and all 12 years and 13 years of kids playing together.

And there were a few kids, they used to use bad language, and I heard one day and moment I heard now my son he looked up and he noticed that I heard that.

He was not using abusive language but other kids.

And in a conversation like this only I said “See here now you’re 12 years old now, you’re enough to decide which words are good, which words are bad.

So, you have to decide, I cannot be there.

By default, I was sitting next window just I overheard all that but I am not with you throughout your life.

Forget throughout your life, even in school, when you are going now and you’re meeting with your friends when I’m not there. I don’t know which language you use.

So, you have to decide whether you have to use bad words, or you don’t have to use bad words. You’ll never have control on your friends, you will always have friends where they are using bad words. It will never happen like that, that I’m going to school and college and no one is using bad words but you decide, even in bad words you decide okay, you can just stop here till here or you can just go beyond that. You decide, this decision has to be taken by you, son. I cannot monitor that.”

“At the age of 12 Dad, you told me that as I grow, I have to start taking decisions like this. So, at the age of 14, do not worry. You don’t have to tell me dad whether I shall drink, smoke this and that. I have already taken the decision that this is not the right age for me to drink. Maybe in the future I will see. So even if you asked me to drink, I will not drink dad because that’s a decision I have taken which you already taught me that. You have to start taking decisions in your life.

So, decision has been made that this is not the right age for me. So, don’t worry about dad.”

This was a short conversation. I thought there’s something I liked about this conversation. I enjoyed this conversation even though it’s personal.

As I told you, it has been just told that we should not get personal, let’s get personal.

What do you think about this personal conversation?

Share your comments. This is Praveen Wadalkar signing out until we meet again.


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