Should We Take Decisions For Others?

by | Jul 12, 2020 | Public Speaking | 3 comments


Listen To Your Heart

What I strongly believe is well, when it comes to taking some major decisions in our life, when we take decisions that can change the destination, or that can change where we are going to reach in our life example, marriage, or selecting your job, or job vs entrepreneurship journey, these are major decisions in life. I believe that in this kind of major decision, you should not listen to others. You should listen only to your heart. You should not take advice, even if you are discussing with people that is secondary, but the final decision has to be taken by you. 

My Life ..My Decisions

Let me share with you one simple example. Just a few days ago, my mother called me and she said, Praveen someone from the family wants to speak to you. Not very close. I said who? She said, X, Y uncle. I said, yes, I know him. What happened? My mother said he’s thinking of quitting his job. I said, okay. So what? She said everyone is pushing him to not quit his job. The world is under lock down due to COVID. And he’s saying no, that’s enough. I don’t want to go back to my job again, because they’re reducing the salaries also, and others are saying, including his wife, she’s saying that even if you receive 50% salary, but if you receive a stable salary, that is enough to manage the household, but this gentleman is not listening. And, I suggested that he speak to you so you can give him the correct advice. 

Influence Someone?

Now, the correct advice is already predefined here. And my mother said, even I advised him that, don’t leave your job. That’s not the right time to quit. And I said, Mama, I have not met this uncle for the last so many years. I had absolutely no idea what was happening in his life. And I think just one call, one discussion is not going to give me permission to enter his life. On what basis I will advise him. 

We Didn’t Ask

In 2011, when I and my wife decided to start a business by quitting our job, we were doing extremely well. I was earning more than one Lakhs. My wife was earning around one Lakhs. We were earning good, no liabilities, having a home in Bombay. 

Should We Take Other’s Advise?

Imagine at that point in time, we’re going to someone for advice and saying that we are quitting our job and starting a business, they would have said, come on, No. And imagine if we had decided to listen to that advice, we have not reached where we’re in our life. 

So, good. We have not taken any advice. We thought it’s our decision. We’ll take the decision, but I have no idea on what basis I should be advising my uncle. Even if they speak to me, I will say only that this is a major decision of your life. You should take the decision. I’m no one to give advice. I’m no one to guide you. This is your decision. All this in a very positive connotation, but the part of the story is I will not be advising him. Let him take the decision. 

Whats Your Perspective?

What is your perspective on this? When people come to you and ask you for advice on some major decisions like this, we should give advice, or we should just tell them know that, you decide, this is your life.  

3 Comments

  1. Ashok Thakur

    We can discuss pros and cons with them e.g one of my friend who had an established business in a small city wanted to move to a bigger one to open the same business there as profits in small city were limited. He was very confused if he went and invested in starting business in that city and failed then it would result in a big monetary loss.
    I advised him to go for it as he had his parents and uncles to take care of the existing business in small city and he could always return easily if failed.
    Now he is successful and earning a lot in the business that he setup in big city.

    Reply
  2. C.Raghava Rao

    Advice giving is very easy.
    There is no guarantee that the advise is implemented. Until and unless advice is asked we should not give. If the advice we give is similar to what they feel, then they will be happy and say that is what I thought. Then no value to our advise.
    Hence better not advise.
    First ask what their idea. Then say I agree.
    You can’t convince until and unless they want to be convinced.
    In lighter vein select three, choose two, love two and marry one.
    That is people do.
    The person who gives becomes fool
    Better not take decisions for others.

    Reply
  3. Prachi Sharma

    If you are a influencer, only then people around you look up to you for advice. We don’t go to any Tom-dick-harry (this is just a phrase) for advice Both roles are perfectly defined – advice seeker and giver.

    Giver- has his/her own responsibility. Can choose whether to give advice or not depending on the whom you are giving advice, depending on how important that person is to you, depends on the kind of advice. You have quoted a far loved uncle of yours in the story- upto you to give advice or not. Whether he needs your advice is very different discussion altogether.

    Seeker- people come in different shapes and forms of mental strength. People with strong will and mind strength may not need real advice but they seek advice with someone who will only second their thoughts. Some People with low to medium or medium mental strength will look for many people for advice.

    Coming back to the role of the giver now- in case the person seeking advice may not be important to you but falls in low to medium mental strength with not great ability to take right decisions in life then I think it becomes the moral responsibility of the giver to provide right advice after gauging the situation of the seeker. I call this as “moral social responsibility” . Many times it’s not taken positively by people/friends around you but I feel satisfied if I am able to make a positive difference to anyone in my circle. This is according to me a “circle of positivity” that we create around us.

    So instead of thinking “should we take decisions for others” I would rather say “ should we help others take the right decisions”

    Reply

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