There are so many incidents in my life and I’m learning a lot. And as a storyteller, whenever I learn something, it’s my responsibility to take this learning back to you.
So, this is a Life Storytelling session. And the name I have given to this episode or this story is What I Learned From A Fight With My Wife?
Advantages and Disadvantages of Working Together
Now, this is especially for those people who are in relationships, and this happened just last week. My wife and I just completed our official work. Now we are working together, my wife and I, we are working in the same organization. We started this organization in the year 2011. But there are disadvantages and advantages of working together, husband and wife.
Of course, advantages, you complement each other, right? And you spend time together. So, you don’t have to worry whether you’re spending time with your family or not. Just spending time together, you complement each other’s strengths.
But the disadvantage is sometimes we spend a lot of time discussing the office work.
Our Car Became Our Office
My wife and I were going together in the car. And for a moment, I thought that car is an office in the car only. And we had a long discussion on one thing. And unfortunately, her perspective was different and my perspective was different, which is very obvious. We are two different human beings and we have two different perspectives, but we reached home.
As soon as we reached home, my son was 13 years old sitting on the sofa and he could see the way we entered the home that there’s something wrong today. But this is not the first time. This is absolutely not the first time we are fighting. But this time the intensity of the fight was very high. So fighting is good. What is fighting? You accept that, yes, if this is the thing, I don’t agree. I have a different perspective. You have a different perspective. We have to respect each other’s perspectives. It happens only in the early phase of a relationship, the only phase of a relationship where there are no fights, because that time just to maintain the love, peace, and harmony, we don’t challenge each other’s perspective. Sometimes we don’t even share that I don’t agree. For everything, we say yes, but after a few years, the hormones gets balanced and settled.
Most of the time we learn how to tell that this is your point of view, but this is my point of view. Something very critical happened that day. And our point of view was not syncing on it. And my son could see there’s something wrong today. And it went on and on almost for an hour, even after reaching home.
And that took a very bad shape. Very bad. After many years, I lost my anger so much that I started throwing things. Unfortunate. It happens. But fortunately, when we fight in front of our kid, we also get settled in front of our kid. I don’t remember any fight at my home seeing the sunrise. No, it has to end on that day only, no matter how late, but it has to end that day only. It should not see the sunrise. That day it happened; we closed that day only. But the next day I thought that I must do something to put my point in perspective, to share what is my point of view.
The Gulab Jamun Anology
So, for that, I reached home a little early, fortunately, that day, and I decided to cook something for my wife. I cooked Gulab Jamun because she likes Gulab Jamun. And I’ve garnished with coconut. I don’t know why. And there’s a small coconut piece. And a little bit of garnishing of dry fruits also on this, you can see that. And my wife reached and I said, “I’ve prepared something for you.” She’s like “Show it to me.” And I showed this to her, the same dish, which I am showing you the printout ( in the video). And I asked her, “Tell me, when you see this, what do you think or why I’ve made this? What is the message you are getting? What is the first thought coming in your mind when you see this?” And she said, “Nothing, it is like two Gulab Jamuns and very shamelessly garnished with coconut with some dry foods for no reasons, and one big piece of coconut.” And I said, “This is your perspective, which you’re right. This is your perspective. But what is my perspective?” Understand that.
Now listen to this very carefully, because this is the only reason, I’m sharing this story with you. I said, “According to me, these are two mountains. When I prepared this, I visualized that these are two mountains and this is a small bridge between two mountains.” Now, one mountain, I purposefully — It is hot. I’ve kept one inside the oven and one boastfully cold. I said, “Touch both of these.” She touched one, she said, “Yes, hot.” She touched one. She said, “Yes, it is cold.”
What I See And What You See, Are Different Perspectives
So, I said, “We are like these mountains. We are two different people. You are strong. I am strong. You’re trying your best. I’m trying my best, but we are different. We cannot become one.”
In a relationship, I think one of the biggest mistakes people do, they try to become one. One soul, one body. It’s not possible. Her upbringing, her corporate understanding, her way of looking towards life is different. I respect that.
But my upbringing, my corporate understanding, my way of looking at life is different. She respects that.
Respect is Key
Unless, and until we don’t respect each other. Unless, and until we don’t feel that, yes, you are a different mountain. I am a different mountain. It’s very difficult to really maintain that peace, love, and harmony. And I’m very happy that one of the key reasons why we have a very strong relationship is because we respect that.
At one point in time, even in the worst fight, at one point in time, we accept that, yes, you are a different mountain. I’m a different mountain. It’s absolutely okay if we don’t agree on one point. Not necessary.
And then I said, “What is this? This is the bridge. For you, it might be just a small piece of dry fruit. For me, it’s a bridge because the best thing which can connect to a mountain is a bridge.” Tell me what is better than that. There’s nothing better on the planet, which can connect two mountains. A bridge can connect this mountain.
Bridge of Love
So, I said, “We are connected to one of the best things which can connect to mountains.” There’s a bridge, bridge of love, respect, bridge of respecting each other, caring for each other. Unless, and until we don’t respect, we don’t care for each other. What love then? What is love?
And if you don’t respect and care for others’ perspectives then what kind of love is that in a relationship. Especially men, unfortunately, and I’m using this word, unfortunately, very, very carefully. Unfortunately, I see men. They believe that after marriage, the responsibility of a girl is to get in sync with men’s perspective every time. Why?
Acceptance Is Another Important Key
She is a different mountain. I’m a different mountain, boss. We are two different people. As a storyteller, this is the best I can do in front of my wife. I said, “When I created this when I made this one, I cooked for this. This was in my mind. But when I showed this to you, you said these are just two. “These are Gulab Jamun”, that’s your perspective. You have a different perspective. For me, these are two mountains. I have a different perspective.” And this has helped me to reiterate one of our common beliefs. It is helping us in strengthening this relationship. That is, she’s a different mountain. I’m a different mountain.