What I Learned When I Had A Fight With My Wife

by | Jul 30, 2020 | Public Speaking, Relationships | 44 comments


There are so many incidents in my life and I’m learning a lot. And as a storyteller, whenever I learn something, it’s my responsibility to take this learning back to you. 

So, this is a Life Storytelling session. And the name I have given to this episode or this story is What I Learned From A Fight With My Wife? 

Advantages and Disadvantages of Working Together

Now, this is especially for those people who are in relationships, and this happened just last week. My wife and I just completed our official work. Now we are working together, my wife and I, we are working in the same organization. We started this organization in the year 2011. But there are disadvantages and advantages of working together, husband and wife. 

Of course, advantages, you complement each other, right? And you spend time together. So, you don’t have to worry whether you’re spending time with your family or not. Just spending time together, you complement each other’s strengths. 

But the disadvantage is sometimes we spend a lot of time discussing the office work. 

Our Car Became Our Office

My wife and I were going together in the car. And for a moment, I thought that car is an office in the car only. And we had a long discussion on one thing. And unfortunately, her perspective was different and my perspective was different, which is very obvious. We are two different human beings and we have two different perspectives, but we reached home. 

The Battlefield

As soon as we reached home, my son was 13 years old sitting on the sofa and he could see the way we entered the home that there’s something wrong today. But this is not the first time. This is absolutely not the first time we are fighting. But this time the intensity of the fight was very high. So fighting is good. What is fighting? You accept that, yes, if this is the thing, I don’t agree. I have a different perspective. You have a different perspective. We have to respect each other’s perspectives. It happens only in the early phase of a relationship, the only phase of a relationship where there are no fights, because that time just to maintain the love, peace, and harmony, we don’t challenge each other’s perspective. Sometimes we don’t even share that I don’t agree. For everything, we say yes, but after a few years, the hormones gets balanced and settled. 

Most of the time we learn how to tell that this is your point of view, but this is my point of view. Something very critical happened that day. And our point of view was not syncing on it. And my son could see there’s something wrong today. And it went on and on almost for an hour, even after reaching home. 

And that took a very bad shape. Very bad. After many years, I lost my anger so much that I started throwing things. Unfortunate. It happens. But fortunately, when we fight in front of our kid, we also get settled in front of our kid. I don’t remember any fight at my home seeing the sunrise. No, it has to end on that day only, no matter how late, but it has to end that day only. It should not see the sunrise. That day it happened; we closed that day only.  But the next day I thought that I must do something to put my point in perspective, to share what is my point of view.

The Gulab Jamun Anology

So, for that, I reached home a little early, fortunately, that day, and I decided to cook something for my wife. I cooked Gulab Jamun because she likes Gulab Jamun. And I’ve garnished with coconut. I don’t know why. And there’s a small coconut piece. And a little bit of garnishing of dry fruits also on this, you can see that. And my wife reached and I said, “I’ve prepared something for you.” She’s like “Show it to me.” And I showed this to her, the same dish, which I am showing you the printout ( in the video). And I asked her, “Tell me, when you see this, what do you think or why I’ve made this? What is the message you are getting? What is the first thought coming in your mind when you see this?” And she said, “Nothing, it is like two Gulab Jamuns and very shamelessly garnished with coconut with some dry foods for no reasons, and one big piece of coconut.” And I said, “This is your perspective, which you’re right. This is your perspective. But what is my perspective?” Understand that. 

Now listen to this very carefully, because this is the only reason, I’m sharing this story with you. I said, “According to me, these are two mountains. When I prepared this, I visualized that these are two mountains and this is a small bridge between two mountains.” Now, one mountain, I purposefully — It is hot. I’ve kept one inside the oven and one boastfully cold. I said, “Touch both of these.” She touched one, she said, “Yes, hot.” She touched one. She said, “Yes, it is cold.” 

What I See And What You See, Are Different Perspectives

So, I said, “We are like these mountains. We are two different people. You are strong. I am strong. You’re trying your best. I’m trying my best, but we are different. We cannot become one.” 

In a relationship, I think one of the biggest mistakes people do, they try to become one. One soul, one body. It’s not possible. Her upbringing, her corporate understanding, her way of looking towards life is different. I respect that. 

But my upbringing, my corporate understanding, my way of looking at life is different. She respects that. 

Respect is Key

Unless, and until we don’t respect each other. Unless, and until we don’t feel that, yes, you are a different mountain. I am a different mountain. It’s very difficult to really maintain that peace, love, and harmony. And I’m very happy that one of the key reasons why we have a very strong relationship is because we respect that. 

At one point in time, even in the worst fight, at one point in time, we accept that, yes, you are a different mountain. I’m a different mountain. It’s absolutely okay if we don’t agree on one point. Not necessary. 

And then I said, “What is this? This is the bridge.  For you, it might be just a small piece of dry fruit. For me, it’s a bridge because the best thing which can connect to a mountain is a bridge.” Tell me what is better than that. There’s nothing better on the planet, which can connect two mountains. A bridge can connect this mountain. 

Bridge of Love

So, I said, “We are connected to one of the best things which can connect to mountains.” There’s a bridge, bridge of love, respect, bridge of respecting each other, caring for each other. Unless, and until we don’t respect, we don’t care for each other. What love then? What is love? 

And if you don’t respect and care for others’ perspectives then what kind of love is that in a relationship. Especially men, unfortunately, and I’m using this word, unfortunately, very, very carefully. Unfortunately, I see men. They believe that after marriage, the responsibility of a girl is to get in sync with men’s perspective every time. Why? 

Acceptance Is Another Important Key

She is a different mountain. I’m a different mountain, boss. We are two different people. As a storyteller, this is the best I can do in front of my wife. I said, “When I created this when I made this one, I cooked for this. This was in my mind. But when I showed this to you, you said these are just two. “These are Gulab Jamun”, that’s your perspective. You have a different perspective. For me, these are two mountains. I have a different perspective.” And this has helped me to reiterate one of our common beliefs. It is helping us in strengthening this relationship. That is, she’s a different mountain. I’m a different mountain. 

44 Comments

  1. Shalini

    Very nice!

    Reply
    • Suresh saboo

      Very good story
      But in practice..it is just mutual understanding rather than any thing else
      One should always keep ego aside
      It has been a quiet common story female s fight for nothing

      Reply
    • Anjali Rao

      I must say you are one of the great story teller I heard.The way you take one common incident of the life that we all experience in day to day life and make it a good story which engage our attention is very impressive.

      Reply
    • GOVINDRAJAN P R

      Sir, so nice. It is happenning everywhere.. every one is a mountain.. so revealing…
      Yes we respect.. some tinge of ego suppresses all things aside for a small moment… still .. relationship moves on… with this mountain of small moments in our life.. what a great thing in Indian families…. uniting and unending flavours.. just enjoyed for the moment and looking for more such from you Sir.

      Reply
  2. Gopal chawla

    Hey Praveen

    This is really good.
    Respect, love and acceptance are key Ingredients in any relationship.

    Reply
    • Narasimhudu

      It is common in every family.Understandig is more important as you said.Your story is exactly suit for every family.The way of narration of your story telling is excellent.

      Reply
    • GuruSharan

      Hi Praveen,

      This is nice, I think almost 90% of corporate working couples are practicing different mountain concept. But instead to decide who has got good perspective, with logic and without ego each one of us started accepting good thoughts or progressive thinking like how as a team leader accept their subordinate progressive thoughts and how a CEO accepts their employees views. If everyone started appreciating and accepting progressive thoughts without getting into mountain concept will help them and the society as well. Unfortunately sometimes we get into mode of who is best in our thoughts and shadow behind the men and women are different poles in the thoughts,ofcourse yes by brith. But we tend to miss how to connect those poles in thin line of maturity with appreciation and acceptance.

      Reply
  3. Waseem Qureshi

    Wowwww ,
    This is an amazing story and every man and women should understand it very carefully and apply it in the life while fighting eachother 😊
    Because love is strong things.

    I remember my my father and mother still fight at the age of 55 and 57.
    So it’s a lovely things but understanding eachother is one of the most important things in life.
    Husband should understand wife perspective and wife should understand husband perspective as mentioned by Praveen wadalkar sir.

    Reply
  4. Kyrpang Dkhar

    Praveen,I’m waiting for your masterclass on 2,Aug but your ebook has already help me a lot.No word to explain I just to say thank you so so much

    Reply
    • Kyrpang Dkhar

      Your ebook have change my perspective on public speaking.Thank you so much

      Reply
  5. Deeksha

    Really nice. Make my day

    Reply
  6. dr.madhavi

    Beautiful story,
    Its said that men are from mars and women are from venus.so both have their own perspectives.
    Since u both had respect for each other ,inspite of all the fights ,u are together.
    Wishing u both happiness for lifetime

    Reply
  7. Prajwal Gayakwad

    Hi Praveen,

    I have been in the profession of training the people,motivating theaking to public.

    I love this.. it’s my hobby and very fortunate have this as a profession as well.

    It’s been 3-4 years now. Over the time I realized that giving scripted speech doesn’t really satisfy me.

    I really love to see people pumped up at the end of a session.

    Often I tried to relate the things to them & what I doI and the thing love is storytelling..and relating the things with our own experience.

    Willing to learn more from you. Confirmed my seat for webinar on Sunday 3rd Aug ’20 at 11:00am.

    Meet you soon.

    Reply
    • Praveen Wadalkar

      Thank you for reading. Happy to have you in the family. See you on Sunday 🙂

      Reply
  8. Dr SUBRATA ROY

    Mutual respect and understanding are key in relationship.It is natural to differ on any subject by two different minded people.Being husband and wife,it is not necessary to be in sync always.We have to respect the difference of two souls.

    Reply
  9. Srinivas Marmamula

    Very nice!

    Reply
  10. Prakash Vora

    Nice! That is understanding. Know your environment and learn from them.. think and create your own story.

    Reply
  11. jyoti pattnaik

    Liked your thoughts.Mutual respect and understanding in spite of differences of opinion is the key for Healthy Relationship.

    Reply
  12. C.Raghava Rao

    Friendship, relationship builds on trust, understanding each other In these relations Saying we are ideal couple , made for each other is showing to outside world Hippocratic. Marriage is bondage between two people. Life is adjustment.Basically understand, on one point your mind thinks in different ways, then how two different minds think one way. Everyone will have their own perspective. Ego will not allow to accept others. But bondage will not allow you to separate, then we will compromise and unite again. That is beauty of relationship between Husband and wife.

    Reply
    • Praveen Wadalkar

      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Reply
  13. Naresh

    Very important learning for me from this story :
    Respect each other, it’s not necessary to have a same perspective always.

    Reply
  14. Nikhil Kulkarni

    Well explained in very easy and simple language sir…

    Reply
  15. Nongkran

    Thx u for sharing very good

    Reply
  16. BIRANCHI NARAYAN DASH

    So BEAUTIFUL & excellently you presented infront of us, and this changed my persepctive of looking. Thank you sir.

    Reply
  17. Obul Reddy

    Nice one and very well articulated and explained. No doubt you are good storyteller.

    Reply
  18. K RAVINDRA BABU

    Very Nice…

    Every one says the relations should be as if they are Made for Each Other

    Practically They to Make Over with Each Other.

    Reply
  19. K RAVINDRA BABU

    They Have to Make Over with Each Other

    Reply
  20. Shyam Sundar Thakur

    In the relationship of both husband and wife, if there is a fight, one has to sacrifice his ego and surrender. Then only peace will be restored in the family. Most of the time I as husband sacrifice.

    Reply

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